Dealing With The Devil
by fruitysoda
Summary: A sassy Crossroads Demon is sitting at a bar. The Winchester brothers walk into it. Sounds like the beginning of a joke, right? Fine. I suck at summaries. Good, moving on. Read it! You may or may not be disappointed! Satisfaction not 100% guaranteed.
1. Chapter 1

I sat perched on my bar stool, looking down at my beer. I had just finished making a deal with this man who wanted nothing more than for his daughter to come out of her coma. I don't know why I even do this job anymore. It gets more depressing by the day.

I heard two men sit down on the bar stools on both sides of me. I quickly glance at their faces without lifting my head.

Damn it, Winchesters.

Empty seat next to shaggy hair, what's his name? Oh yeah, Sam. Why isn't So Masculine He Must Be Overcompensating for Something sitting next to him?

Shit.

"So you're the one making deals?" The one who's overly obsessed with his car asks, keeping his too cool for school composure.

"Dean!" Suicidal Chewbacca says in a tone indicating that he had broken some kind of plan.

"Yeah, actually, I am. But what are you going to do about it?"

"Kill you." Muscles answers, drawing his hand to the magic demon-be-gone blade.

"Now? In front of _all these people_? Good luck writing that one off." I chuckle, taking a sip of my drink.

Pie-Guy leans in close enough that I could smell the hell off his breath. "You'll leave with us right now, or-."

"Are these guys bothering you?" A burly man asks, an empty beer bottle in his hand.

"Yes sir." I answer, smirking at Mr. I Escaped From Hell.

In the second before the bottle made contact with his head, I whispered "Nighty-Night" and ducked out of the way as That Burly Guy swung at Rapunzel.

"Thanks!" I called as I dashed out of there, heading straight for the Impala. They were going to have _such _a surprise.

Moral of the story: Always wear a pretty female meat-suit if making deals in bars. It comes in handy if hassled by Winchesters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello there, Readers! Author here, with some VERY important notes. Not _that_ important, but still worth reading. First, this takes place in season 5, but if Becky never told them that tidbit about Crowley, and if they heard about some demon makin' deals and earnin' commission. Secondly, the narrative writing in italics is the chick she's wearing, if you need to know. I think I could've made it more clear, no sarcasm intended. Okay then, I'm done. Read!**

* * *

I stood in the shadows, waiting for them to stumble out of the bar after getting roughed up by That Burly Dude. After thirty minutes, they were tossed out by the same man, screaming something about 'respect' and 'If she says no, it means no'. Hahaha. That's what this girl said before I possessed her ass. Didn't stop me. But then again, I have no self-respect. _You can say that again_. Shut up, will you? I've got important stuff to do now, unless you **want** to die.

I directed my attention to Morons Incorporated and their approaching footsteps.

"Look, Sammy, we've got to get this-." Mr. Impala Lover said as he came towards the car, his eyes widening in shock as he saw what I did to his One True Love.

"What is it?" Moose-Boy said as he came up behind his brother.

"Bitch keyed my car."

"Look, I'm sorry man."

"Now we really have to get her so she can pay for a new paint job."

I decide to step out of the shadows, a smile on my lips.

"Looking for me, boys?"

I walk closer, but keeping enough distance so I can scream and start running if I need to.

"Did you do this?" Never Gotten Pass the First Date gestured towards his Baby.

"Yes, and so what if I did? I won't pay for the damage, but you can."

"Are you suggesting I…?"

"Yes I am. Sell your soul again."

"You really think I would? Go back to the Pit for my car?"

"Not just your car, Flambéed Mommy. As I recall, you Winchesters seem pretty keen on deals."

"What else is there? What else are you-"

His brother stopped him short, "Dean, no you don't want to do this. It could be-"

Now it was my turn to do the interrupting, "Oh shut it, Barbequed Girlfriend. Yes, I realize you think it may be a trap. But I have the thing right here." I pull out the Colt and waved it out in front of them. "It could end this all. This whole thing **YOU **started in the first place, Psychic Boy."

"But why would you want to give us this thing in the first place? Don't you _enjoy _watching the world burn?"

"Oh, I do. Very much so. This whole thing is getting me so much more business. But after this whole thing is done, after Lucifer kills all of you? We're next. So, I give you the gun, you kill Little Luci, and we all go home happy and safe."

"I thought you wanted to make a deal?"

"Yeah…no. I was just testing the waters. Don't be so flattered, we don't want Daddy's Boy back so soon."

I toss them the gun and begin to walk away.

"Hey, what about my car? I can't drive it like this!" Never Really Dead yelled out to me.

"Suck it up. I'm not fixing it. You got what you needed."

"Yes, and I can kill you too."

I turned sharply around, spreading my arms wide. "Try me."

_Oh God why, it can't end this way._ Shh, I'm trying to keep a straight face but your stupidity isn't letting me.

He pulled the trigger. Nothing.

I burst out laughing, but The Winchesters are not amused.

"Where's the ammo? Huh? Where is it?"

"Oh, about that," I bite my lip and smile. "Someone else has it."

"And who is this 'Someone'?"

"Not at liberty to say."

"Bull shit."

"Crowley. Crowley's got the bullets, but only I know where he is."


End file.
